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Tossed Aside Like Garbage
" Last Time I Saw Him "
On a personal note
My Confession To The Anti Kim Mathers Board (The Lost Chapter)

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... told me he has a deep love for the whole process of making the music. Why not make a living producing? He produced most of the last CD according to him. He said Dre just puts his name on the thing.

Marshall flew out of town to a couple of times to work with Dre. Marshall said half the time he wasn't there, and the rest of the time he had so many people in the studio, Marshall couldn't get anything done. It is bad enough Marshall had to fly to Nevada because he does not like to work in LA and Dre does not like to work in Detroit. However, in the end, Marshall gave in and flew out to LA, but not without complaining to everyone that would listen, except Dre. Dr. Dre did come to Detroit once but Marshall said that trip was hardly productive. He had me pick up Hailie from the studio since Dre's large "crew" was crowding the place; it was not a good environment for her. He said it was not anything for one of them to spark up a joint at any time, and Marshall could not have that in front of Hailie. Being that Aunt Betty was giving him a hard time for cutting her plans short to accommodate his needs, I came and did as I was asked. It was funny because Betty had made it a point to mention to me that only certain specified people were to be allowed at the studio that day because Dre was there. She made sure to tell me I wasn't one of them. Big deal! For the few minutes I was there, there was wall to wall people I could hear Dre yelling while he was in the sound room on the phone. It was " Fuck " this and " Fuck " that. When Marshall took me into the room to let me hear his new track, I heard Dre complaining on the phone about his " fucking protégé" and about his " mother fucking deadline". By the time I got around to meeting Dre, I saw that he was in a vile mood so I didn't even bother him. I told Marshall I'd hear the track another time. I got Hailie bundled up and I left, leaving behind an obviously irritated Marshall.

Marshall has confided in me a few times that Dre criticizes a lot of his work, and does not seem to take it seriously. Don't get me wrong, Marshall is loyal big time to Dre, but he said it would have been a lot easier to do this CD all by himself. One example of criticism from Dre, Marshall said, was that in the song "My Dad's Gone Crazy" on the Eminem Show. Marshall says, "I'd die and come back as Vanilla Ice's son and walk around the rest of my life spit on, and kicked and hit with shit every time I sung, like R. Kelly as soon as Bump and Grind comes on." He thought that Marshall did not rag on R. Kelly enough. He wanted Marshall to really rip him up bad. Marshall said nothing more really fit, so they left it. Marshall says there have been songs Dre has come right out and laughed at him. Saying it is stupid and no one will like it. I told Marshall that " he needs to trust you more. You know what you're doing by now." I know that Marshall is loyal to Dre because he never would have gotten his big break if it were not for him. In addition, he has business ties to him, so he has to put up with whatever Dre puts out. The impression I got was that Dre just does the bare minimum so that he can take credit of Executive Producer that you see on the back of the CDs. you can hear how good these songs are produced and that is because Marshall is a perfectionist. I've been in the studio with him when he plays a piece of music repeatedly and changes it until he gets it perfect. I think he will be successful if he decides to be only a producer.

One reason he wants to go that route is that when you're behind the scenes, people forget who you are and they don't recognize you so much when you go out in public.
Marshall wants so much to be like everyone else. I remember one time he had the day off and Hailie was with Kim for a change. He called me up and said, " I'm bored. Let's do something!" I told him I wish I could disguise him and take him out somewhere. " To the mall! Dawg, I miss going to the mall!" I said ok and I went to the store to get a fake beard.

When I showed up at his house, he was wearing some funky clothes. Actually, they were not that funky. It is just that I am not used to seeing
Marshall in jeans. He was trying to look inconspicuous I guess. He was all excited too. Like he started telling me how he got cash from DeWayne so that he didn't have to use his credit cards and he kept saying " God, you know how long it has been since I went to the mall?" I felt so bad for him, but at the same time I thougth it was cool that I was the friend that was able to do all this stuff with him. He needed to get out and be a real person. Well, I was not able to get the right glue for his beard so we could not go to the mall. We just drove around trying to figure out something to do. Finally, we decided to go to National Coney Island by my house and get something to eat. We sat way in the back and it was 2 PM so there were not many people in the restaurant. We sta there for a while talking and eating. We talked about how much this sucked and how bummed he was. He said, " I never wanted to be famous. I just wanted to make a living doing something I liked and was good at."

He told me how miserable he was and he was stuck being isolated from the rest of the world. Then he starting freaking out because the bus boy was walking by our table a little too often. " He knows its me!" he said. " No he doesn’t! He's just doing his job!" It did not matter, he had it in his head that he was recognized and we had to leave. We decided to go see a movie but he did not want to go in like everyone else. Usually when
Marshall would take us to the movies, DeWayne would call ahead of time and reserve two rows of seats. We would come in through the fire escape doors so the whole movie complex did not see us. I am sure it looked funny to everyone in that theater but there was never any trouble. The people from the concession stand would even come bring us whatever we wanted. However, this time it was just the two of us. Marshall had DeWayne call ahead and has someone by the back door but we had to sit with everyone else. We actually sat between two big older women, and we enjoyed every minute of it. That is the kind of life Marshall wants. What good is having millions of dollars if you cannot go out and spend it? That is no way to live life. He wants to give Hailie a normal life and maybe when he is just producing and not in the public eye so much, he can actually make that happen.

Another option Marshall and I talked about was for him to direct music videos. When he did the " Without Me" video, according to
Marshall a lot of the concept was his ideas. The scene where the words come up on the screen and he points to them with the beat of the song that was one of his ideas. He said he had to tell them what to keep and what to throw away when it came to placing everything into the final product. I told him he should get into something like that. He is very creative and he has a great sense of humor. The person you see acting all goofy and weird in the videos, well that is the real Marshall. He said he would definitely think about projects like that.

As far as doing other movies, I am not sure. I know he does not mind doing small parts in movies like those he has done before. Nevertheless, this movie 8-mile kicked his ass! He had a hard time getting along with the director Curtis Hanson. He found him very demanding and
Marshall said he felt like Curtis was purposely being hard on him. He said that other actors told him Curtis was treating him that way because Marshall did not know not to take his shit. Marshall told me that Curtis made him work many hours and they clashed when Marshall asked days off like Halloween so he could be with Hailie. Nights like when the crew was burning the house down in Highland Park; Marshall nearly lost his cool. They lit the house on fire and then called the actors in and started filming. They said their lines and walked away on cue, but Curtis kept making them come back and do it over and over again. Meanwhile, the house is engulfed in flames and pieces are falling off and landing by the actors. He kept bringing them back to do it again. I was having a coronary because I was afraid they were going to get hurt. By the time Curtis finally yelled, "cut" the house was literally falling apart and crashing down onto the scene. I guess that makes a good director, but Marshall was not very comfortable during the whole process.

He bitched a lot and I just listened. I knew there was nothing he could do, so did he. I think a big problem was this was taking place during the fall and early winter and
Michigan. It gets really cold at that time! Not to mention Marshall was getting sick all the time. He lost weight to do the movie and every time he would eat something, he would spend an hour on the treadmill. I used to tease him and call him a hamster running on his little wheel. He slimmed down to 140 pounds and he is only about 5'9" or 5' 10". He was too skinny and his immune system was probably weakened. All I know is Marshall was miserable doing that movie and from the sounds of all his bitching, I do not think that is the route he would want to take, but who knows. No one has even seen 8-mile yet to see if he is any good or not. I have seen pieces of it, but I was too freaked out seeing him on the big screen to give an honest opinion. He is nervous to see what the world thinks. He is an all right actor but I think everyone will know where most of his talent lies.

On top of that,
Marshall has his hands full with producing D12's second LP and everyone and their brother wants to work with Marshall. They either want him to write some material for them or throw out a verse on one of their tracks. He is frustrated right now because he wants to rest and lay low for a little bit after this 8-mile shit blows over and people are tugging him in all different directions. Proof, his buddy from way back and fellow D12 member, wants to go solo and assumed Marshall will produce him. He has already told everyone Marshall will do it. Bizarre also from D12 wants a solo career. Everyone wants a piece of Marshall. I told him he has to draw the line somewhere, but he wants to please everyone and he can't say no. Again, Marshall never puts himself first. Always thinking about other people is what gets him more stress.

In terms of him staying in
Michigan, I know he will. Kim will never let him take Hailie out of the state and Marshall will NEVER be without his little girl. I know he talked about possible buying a new house, but that was probably because Kim just bought a new house. Its bigger and in the very next subdivision. But who knows, if he and Kim ever get back together, maybe she will move in now that Marshall's relatives are supposed to be relocating. I hope he does not reconcile the same bad relationship he has been in with Kim. He knows deep down that would be self destructive. I know he is drawn to the same abuse he has grown up with, but maybe he will eventually grow out of that. For Hailie's sake, I hope he does. I do know that Marshall will keep working and keep busting his ass to make money. He told me he is just trying to make sure that no matter what, Hailie will be taken care of for the rest of her life. " And if I play my cards right," he said. " Hailie's kids will never have to work either!"

His heart is in the right place; he has managed to overcome all the rotten shit in his life so far. Like he says in the end of " Til I Collapse ", I will not fall. I will stand tall. Feels like no one can beat me." He may let his family and ex-wife step all over him, but no one or nothing will ever keep him down when it comes to his dreams….

 

 

 

 

…thanks to the Anti Kim Mathers board for this last part!

Thanks goes out to Nikki for scanning this.

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