Cleaning Out My Closet-The Book
Kim The Torn In Marshall's Side
The Real Marshall
Eminem & Kids
Nate & Debbie
Dysfunctional Relatives
Alaina & Dawn
Aunt Betty
"White Trash"
Kim The Torn In Marshall's Side
Kim & Drugs
Update On Marshall And Kim
Poor Hailie Jade
Celeb Flings
Brittany Murphy
Bye Bye Brittany!
Friendship is OVER
"I Miss The Mall!"
Fucked Up Relationship
Party Animal
Nathan = Trouble
The Meaning Of Christmas
No More Tours
Tossed Aside Like Garbage
" Last Time I Saw Him "
On a personal note
My Confession To The Anti Kim Mathers Board (The Lost Chapter)



He paid around 1.2 million and their house is one of the smaller houses in that subdivision. Most important, that house has blocked the trouble from the media or fans.

I started to see a different side of their marriage. Kim invited me to a few functions like
Marshall's Anger Management concert in October 2000. Back stage and in the limo, those two were very loveable and affectionate. I couldn't believe it. It almost seemed like they had a real marriage! But it was far from normal. The way they talked to each other sometimes was terrible! I heard Kim dozens of times on the phone with Marshall, say " I hate you fucker!" Then he would always come up with something mean but not vulgar to say. He used to piss her off just by being a smart ass, which would get Kim's mouth running like crazy!

Another problem was
Marshall believed that Kim really had a drinking problem. At that time, I didn't know it was that bad. I guess things should have pointed out that she really did have a problem. Kid Rock had an annual Christmas party at the Roostertail in Detroit. Kim invited me to go December 26, 2000 with her and her girlfriend Stacey. Marshall was to meet us there with his boys. I was conned into driving my Ford Explorer there. " Don't worry", Kim said. We'll find a way to get you home "cause you're gonna drink tonight. I want you to have fun!" So we're there maybe an hour or so and Kim is drinking her usual double Bacardi and Coke. We're all just hanging out having a good time, when Kim disappears with Stacey. There's no way I am gonna babysit her like usual when I can sit here and listen to Kid Rock and Marshall inventing rhymes and shit! I was sitting there thinking I was in heaven or something when Marshall leaned over and said " Would you go check on Kim? She's been gone awhile." I checked the bathroom and she yells, " Shut the door!" She proceeds to lie out a line of cocaine on this back of a toilet. I'm like, " where'd you get that?" She told me that Kid Rock had set her up with his "guy" and sold her an eight ball. She tried to get me to do a line, I was tempted to but I did not have a whole lot of experience in that shit and I thought I was driving home. I was trying not to get too hammered. I was also scared that Marshall was gonna come look for us and find out they were doing coke and I'd be tied in with it. Kim said Marshall would get pissed if he knew she was doing it, but doing ecstacy was a whole different thing. She said he loved doing that. I didn't get it. Both are drugs. Both are illegal. Ecstacy was a hallucinogen and it really fucks you up, it has bad side effects too.

Well shortly after that Kim was so fucked up that she fell out of her chair. Then she started bitching and screaming at
Marshall. That was all it took. Within minutes we were rushed out the back door and into a waiting Suburban outside. One of the bodyguards grabbed our coats from coat check and I was pretty much pushed inside the car. We drove away leaving my car there in the parking lot. I guess Marshall is used to Kim causing a scene and they all know how to handle it now. On the way to Kim and Marshall's house, she was sitting on his lap in the front seat kissing all over him. Meanwhile Obie Trice in the backseat is trying to kiss me and ends up passing out on my shoulder. What a night! When we got back to the house, Kim and Marshall went to their room to do "whatever" and left me sitting on the couch with no vehicle, no way home, and I was very tired. Good thing DeWayne, Marshall's assistant, was nice enough to take me to get my truck and follow me home. That guy, like the rest of Marshall's bodyguards, is the nicest sweetheart. Unless, he is stressed out by Marshall's hectic lifestyle. Box and Big Rob are Marshall's other bodyguard and I think they are the nicest, biggest teddy bears. I'm really glad I got the chance to know them.

The next day I stopped by to see Kim and my Aunt Kathy was on the telephone calling the cops. Kim said someone stole her 10,000 dollar ring. They were gonna make a police report and put in an insurance claim. Kim right away blamed Stacey. She said " She has such a bad cocaine habit, she'd steal it, I know it!" I could not believe Kim would accuse Stacy like that when they were acting like best friends the night before. I told Kim to look around. I remember her being totally trashed and taking off her jewelry in the trophy room. She said that she knew for sure she took it off and put it on the night stand like she always does. I decided to look around the trophy room. I found it under a chair near where she was standing the night before. Being the nice friend I was, I gave it to Kim and they canceled the call to the police. Ten thousand dollars! But that was nothing compared to the value of a friend, or so I thought.

In February, two months later, I came back from a stay down south with my aunt and I called Kim at home.
Marshall answered. I said, " where's your woman?" "She's not my woman anymore." He said. He told me she waited until he left town and packed up some things and left. She got an apartment not to far away. I could not believe it! He said " Dawg, I know she's got someone. She always does when she leaves me." I called her on her cell telephone and she told me all about it. About how she couldn't deal with him anymore. She denied Marshall's accusations about having another guy. But I saw her at the bar one night and guess what! She had a few guys with her. One of them was Danny. Later in the girls bathroom, Kim cut out a line for us to do and told me not to tell Danny about her doing blow. She said " I really like him. I just don't want him to know I do this. He smokes weed but he hates bitches that do coke. Please, please don't tell him I do this shit!" Danny was a good guy. He seemed to want to straighten her out. He drove her around to do her community service, which was part of her probation, because she couldn't drive. She still had a suspended license from a drunk driving incident. He was trying to get her to take her G.E.D. too. I could see how she liked him. She was always so happy when he was around, but he seemed so embarrassed of her and the way she acted in clubs. I think he was hell bent on changing her.

Kim filed for divorce; it seemed like it was killing
Marshall. He kept Hailie a lot and looked like a lost puppy most of the time. He tried to get Kim to come home, but there was no way she was going to. She had too much freedom and too much money. He knew she was seeing someone else and she was partying all the time. In order to prove Kim unfit in the divorce and custody battle, he had her followed. He had her videotaped too. He told me later that he had video footage of Kim doing lines of cocaine and having sex with multiple people at the same time. I knew her life was a wild one. I was there most of the time. When Danny dumped her because he couldn't straighten her out, and because she had an abortion with his child, she would have about five different guys at her apartment every night. When I would go over there, she would have coke laid out all over the table and she'd be getting hammered and want to go to the club. Often she would call me at six in the evening; she would already be drinking. Mainly Kim just wanted a party companion. She wanted someone other then her sister ( who was not fun to party with at all ). Kim and Dawn basically fought half the time anyway. This is when my marriage started going downhill. Kim would call me to go out about once a week to start with. Then it turned into three or four times a week. All these times, Kim dropped Hailie off with her mom, my sister, or Marshall had her. I'd bet Kim went out six out of seven nights a week, but not just to the club. She'd go to house parties where she'd be a part of threesomes and foursomes. She told me about girls that she spent the night with. Supposedly, one of those girls had prescription drugs like xanax and vicodin, in her bathroom and Kim stole them before she left the following morning. She had no shame. Kim seemed to have a huge sexual appetite. She was openly bisexual too. Marshall told me about one incident when he first made it big, they were staying in an apartment in Sterling Heights. He came home early from LA. He said you could tell there had been a party the night before when he walked in. People were passed out everywhere and Kim was lying on the living room floor. She was cuddling under the blanket with her friend Jenny passed out and dead to the world. He pulled the blanket off and they were naked. "What the fuck!" he yelled. Kim woke up and said "what?". Marshall stormed out.

He had his suspicions before because Kim would hang out at the Rainbow Room, which is a gay club in
Detroit. But from that morning on, he knew Kim didn't have a sexual preference. Shit, half the time when she and I were out together, she would hit on me. Giving me lap dances in the club. She didn't care who was watching. They all knew who she was. She didn't care. Her motto is " I don't give a fuck!" I felt like it was my duty to chase after her and protect her all night. Protect her from guys who were trying to take her home. Protect her from getting into more trouble. She was on probation and had to take drug and alcohol tests randomly. At first when she started with these tests, she would say, I can't go out tonight, they're making me piss tomorrow. She would buy stuff to clean out her system. Then it got to where it didn't matter because she made friends with the people at the clinic and they would pass her anyway. I couldn't believe it! It's amazing how money and fame will get you out of anything.
It seemed the more I hung out with Kim, the more my husband got pissed. He tried to tell me that hanging with her was trouble. He didn't mind so much when he was out with us, but when he wasn't, he couldn't protect me. Of course, I didn't see it that way at the time. It seemed like I couldn't say no to Kim. I would keep promising that I would not go out with her, but she would call and I would run into the bathroom to get ready.

I had fun when I was out with her. I felt I had to go and take care of her. I felt needed and I felt like I actually fit in somewhere. All my life I never really felt like I could fit in. I didn't have many friends. Having a baby at age 15 put a damper on my teen life and any freedom to party. That was ok, though. That was the road I chose. I felt like it was a small sacrifice to be able to play the ultimate role...of a mother. It did however feel good to live in Kim's world for a while. I didn't realize I was becoming something that I really wasn't. I was a mom, but nights with Kim would have me drinking, getting wild and doing lines of coke until 2 or 3 in the morning. By wild, I mean she would talk me into getting up on stage at Hot Rock's or Skinny's to participate in a " Hot body Contest". That really was not something I would normally do. But I did it anyway.

Before Kim, I had only done blow once and I swore I'd gotten it out of my system. I am not one for doing any drugs because I am a total control freak. While hanging with Kim I lost tack of all my own morals, there were times when Kim would come up and put her little baggie of coke in my back pocket because she didn't have any pockets. Those were the times my husband was afraid for me. I could have been busted holding her cocaine, lost my kids, my husband, my house and my freedom. There were people watching her and videotaping her for
Marshall's custody case. There could have been people watching her from the D.E.A. as well. Kim didn't care what people thought. She did not care if they knew she was Marshall's wife and they saw her doing coke. She definitely did not care about me. But I didn't see that. Not then anyway.

My husband and I planned a trip to
Cancun with some friends. I talked him into letting Kim go with us. I thought if she was away from the party scene for 9 days, she would calm down a bit. I had started to see things in her that bothered me. I thought maybe she was having sex with all of these people because she was not thinking straight. It scared me because she was not using protection either, unless you call spermicidal lubricants protection. She was still calling Hailie at least once a day, but she was blowing her off more and more. She started to break promises to Hailie and leave her hanging, which was not like the mother side of Kim that I knew. That's how I knew Kim was on a downward spiral.

We left on the trip at the end of April 2001 for 9 days. That was way too long of a vacation and my husband made me promise to never invite Kim again. As usual, I took care of all of Kim's arrangements. I booked her flight and room at the resort. She decided she wanted to take Danny. Even though they weren't dating anymore, she said they still remained friends. So I made the accommodations for Danny. Then Danny didn't want to go without his friend Louie. Probably because he knew Kim would leave him sitting there and go off partying as usual. So I made the arrangements for Louie to go. Kim paid for all hers, Danny's and Louie's accommodations. My husband and I paid for our own like we always did. I never wanted Kim to think I only cared about her for her money. Sorry I mean
Marshall's money. She was always buying gifts for people with Marshall's credit card and the $1000 a week he paid for her child support. She bought a brand new motorcycle for Danny, along with clothes and a car for her other boyfriends. I did not expect or accept anything like that from her.

When we got to
Cancun, the first few days were good. I knew Kim would feel right at home at this particular place because it was a nude resort and Kim is the first to admit that she's a FREAK! I mean we all have a freaky side to us, but she lives to be freaky! She loves being topless and showing off her breast implants. We had a lot of fun hanging out at the resort. She acted as if I meant the world to her. She continued to call Hailie daily from her cell phone and she fought with Marshall just as much. I remember the five of us being in a taxi while she screamed obscenities to Marshall on the phone and talked to him as if he was shit. We all just rolled our eyes, but I think the cabdriver was a little scared!

I noticed after the second day she was getting antsy. We all decided to go into town on the hotel strip where all the clubs and shops were, to sightsee. We all had a ball and then came back to the resort. My husband and I were happy laying around by the pool at our $250 a night resort that we paid for. Everyones room, food and drinks were already paid for, but that was not good enough for Kim. She and "the boys" took off the next day while we were sleeping. Of course Danny and Louie left with her because she had the cash. When we found out they had left, we were sort of relieved because we had felt the need since they arrived, to entertain them and we were supposed to be relaxing. But she was my "cousin" and I worried about her. I had a hard time relaxing.

After three days, I bugged my husband enough that we got a taxi and went into town to look for her. We were walking down the main strip and stopped for a bottle of water. All of a sudden, my husband spotted Kim in the crowd. It was not hard because she was the only one high as a kite skipping down the sidewalk. I called her name and she ran up and hugged and kissed me. She seemed so happy to see me, but I was pissed. " You worried me, you bitch!" She thought it was funny. She told me they were staying in this ritzy hotel down the street, so we all went back to her room. Of course, all this time my husband is giving me a huge attitude and we've been fighting because I'm " chasing after Kim again". His attitude changed when we got back to her room, she was now staying with two girls that she did not know and they had lines of blow out on the table ready for Kim. I kept thinking, I hope she didn't tell them who she is or they will never leave her alone. Of course she did because Kim " doesn’t give a fuck!". Those girls stuck by her the whole time because they knew she had the cocaine and the money. Kim said she found that taxi drivers in
Cancun can sell it to you for a third of the price and as I found out that night, the shit was twice as potent.

I gave in and did a line. Then we went to a nightclub after we picked up Danny and Louie who Kim put up in their own room within the same hotel. After a few lines and Kim being her flirting self, my husband started to have a good time. But for some reason I ended up sicker then shit. At one point that night I looked for Kim in the club only to find out that she took off on us, knowing I was not feeling good. I found her across the street at the bar, trying to pick up the waiter. I told her I was going back to the resort and she said she would see me the next day. Even when I am feeling deathly ill, I still worry about her and I whined about it all the way back to the resort. By this time, I don't think either my husband or myself are having a good time. I was wracking my brain, trying to find out why I care about her or want to take care of her all the time. I guess it's that motherly instinct and wanting to help those in need. But Kim doesn’t care about herself, why should I care?

By the next day, I am totally done with Kim and I vow not to chase her anymore. It takes her two extra days to come back to the resort and she comes back alone. She complains that Danny and Louie went through her purse and took her money when she was in that other room with those girls. It was hard to believe, but why would she lie? I later came to realize she ran out of cash and decided to blame it on "the boys". Maybe she got tired of blowing shit up her nose, because she actually kicked back with us for the day. She wanted to get a tan and look hot for
Marshall when she got back. Just to show him what he couldn't have anymore. She seemed to play the role of the woman scorned really well. As if she was the victim and Marshall was this huge monster. I bought it too. Even though I had already seen a side to Kim I didn't like, I was still inclined to believe her. We were like sisters now. I wanted to be there for her. However, I was tired of babysitting her.

The last full day there, Kim, my husband and I went to Playa Del Carmen. We shopped, drank shots of vodka at Senior Frogs, and rode jet skis. It was Kim's first time riding, so she was a little scared. But we ended up having a total blast! By the time she got off her Jet Ski, she said, " When I get home, I'm buying two of these Motherfuckers!" It was good to see her having fun without drugs and without people sponging money off of her. We always paid for our own drinks and everything. I can proudly say I have never borrowed money from her. In fact, she still owes my husband $100 because she said the ATM down in
Cancun wouldn't work one time and she needed money. Little did we know that she needed it to buy more blow.

After a good time and drinks in the sun at Playa, we came back to the resort and took a nap. When we got up we decided she and I were gonna get dressed up in similar sexy outfits and go meet the new people who just came into the resort from
Texas. They were young and the girls were strippers, which is right up Kim's alley. Kim had enough relaxation I guess and was ready to PARTY! But there was a damper on the plans. After getting dressed, I realized that the sun and alcohol had gotten to me and I was sick to my stomach again. She said " Maybe this will help." She pulled out a little baggie with a small amount of cocaine in it. I can't believe she still had coke on her! I said, " I don't know. I was sick the other night because of that shit." She told me to just try a tiny bit. Why do I even listen to her? This was the shit I was trying to get her away from. It's a bitch when peer pressure still hits you at 27 years old.

We went down to dinner and I felt even worse. I told my husband I would just go take a nap and I will probably feel better, but it didn't work. I was totally out of commission. An hour later Kim and my husband came to check on me. They were both buzzed and I could tell they were having fun with the other people at the resort. I told them to go have fun without me and Kim decided to jump on top of me. "I'm gonna rape you if you don't get up and come party with us!" Then she proceeded to kiss on me until I pushed her away. " I'm sorry I don't feel good, " I said. Even if I wasn't sick, I didn't want any part of Kim. I know where she has been and I did not even want to go that route on an experimental basis. No thanks!
Danny and Louie came back from town and joined the party. Even though this was a naked resort, these guys were not into showing any part of their body. Louie hardly ever talked and Danny just thought a bunch of naked people were a bunch of freaks. I was just interested in having no tan lines! Anyway, they were down in the resort bar getting hammered. Little did I know, Kim and my husband weren't in the bar the whole time. Kim decided to go look for more coke and my husband decided it wasn't safe for her to go alone. I thought we weren't going to chase after her anymore, but what do I know? Those two went to the slims of
Cancun looking for a couple of grams of cocaine.

Kim is fearless when she is high. She does not care. She stood in front of one of the huts and told my husband to take a picture of her all coked up and high. They eventually came back to the resort and soon Kim was joining the other girls dancing on the bar, butt naked. Some guy from
Dallas was taking pictures and videotaping Kim. He knew who she was, she was so wild and naked he couldn't resist filming her! My husband, being protective over Kim, tried to stop him. The guy said " She said I could." And Kim yelled to my husband " I don't give a fuck!" Typical response from Kim. Oh well! I am surprised those pictures haven't ended up in the Nation Enquirer or something by now. That's crazy! I wish I were not sick. I probably would have been watching all these chicks and laughing my ass off!

Later that night, everyone ended up in the hot tub, naked as usual. I guess Danny and Louie got so drunk they were naked too! This is when I really wish I were there. Kim decided she was gonna straddle my husband while she was completely naked and start kissing him. My husband said he pushed her away and nothing happened. He said she ended up on top of Louie and was going down on him in the hot tub in front of everyone. My husband and Danny left them there, that was around
6 a.m. when the sun was coming up. Now, I've come to terms with Kim being slutty because that's just her way. but what the hell is she thinking? Hello! Are we not supposed to be "cousins"? Haven't I bent over backwards for her? There were dozens of guys she could have messed with that night. Why pick mine?

Kim, Danny and Louie were supposed to be going home on a plane at
7:30 a.m. Kim did not come back to her room until after six. Not knowing what happened the night before I went and tried to wake her and get her in a taxi for the airport. She was so drunk and tired that she sat there and fought with me. She tried to tell me she didn't care if she missed her flight. " I'll buy my own plane with my divorce settlement money. Now leave me the fuck alone!" Fine. I walked away. She stopped at my room on her way out. She told me she would call me when she got home. My flight didn't leave until later that day. I heard her tell Hailie that the next day, " We're all gonna have a BBQ at Auntie's house." I made her promise she would be there and I would get copies of my pictures to give to her. She said "ok."

She never made it and never called once we got back to
Detroit from Cancun. She wouldn't answer any of my calls and I didn't know why. I never confronted her about messing with my husband, there was no bad blood between us, so I did not understand what was going on. I had heard rumors that she was even worse into cocaine, but I had no way of getting a hold of her, I decided to go to her apartment and confront her. I walked into her apartment and ther were three guys there. The place was a mess and there was cocaine residue all over the kitchen table. I saw a couple of pipes laying there with burnt shit in them. The whole place just gave me the creeps. I was like " Kim what the fuck are you doing?" She said, " Nothing fool. What are you doing?" She was in total denial she had a problem. She told me to stop being her mother and go away. I must've looked pitiful because I bawled like a baby. I was begging her to get help. She finally said, " I'm fine. I'll call you later." She never did. A few weeks later her mother called me crying, telling me that Kim was pregnant with this guy Eric's baby and she knew Kim had a coke problem.

She said " Kimmy won't even talk to me. You've gotta do something!" When there is a baby involved, I can't help but try to help in some way. My husband feels the same way, so we went over to Kim's apartment together.

She was not there at first. She went to the store, so I called her on the cell phone and told her I wasn't leaving until she came home and talked to me. She pulled up and we helped her with her groceries. We stood outside, trying to talk with her; she tried to walk away. " Kim I know about the baby," I said, and she stopped. I put my hand on her belly and told her that she should stop partying for the sake of the baby and I could help if she wanted help. I told her she had not been a good mom and she knew it. But I had faith she could be a good mom again if she tried. Again, I bawled my eyes out and was turned away. My husband made her promise that she would come by with Hailie and Alaina the next day for dinner and she said yes and she closed the door to her apartment. That was the last time I saw her as a friend.

After not hearing from Kim for awhile, I gave up. One day, after my daughter's kept asking to see Hailie, I called
Marshall. I explained the situation, and he agreed that the kids need to stay together. They have all been raised to be " cousins" and just because Kim has a drug habit that shouldn't stop. I had no intentions on becoming friends with Marshall. At that time, I thought all the lies Kim and her mom told me were true and that Marshall wasn't the kind of person I would even be friends with. I was just trying to make my kids happy and also because I missed Hailie Jade. I was hurting a lot over Kim, but I found it easier to get over her when I saw all the parts I didn't like about her. I didn't even see my " Kimmy" anymore. All that was there was this cold unfit mother who wasn't even trying to stop feeding her unborn baby cocaine. Watching her made me wake up and remember that moms don't do drugs. I vowed to never use cocaine again.

Marshall was hearing this information from different sources in the beginning. He even got telephone calls from Kim's friend Stacey and even her sister Dawn. I didn't tell him shit. I don't know why, but I still felt loyal to Kim. I eventually grew out of that when I saw what she was doing to her daughter. She would take off for a week or two at a time; no one could find her. She went from calling Hailie several times a day to not calling her for weeks. She was out buying cocaine with money from a credit card that Marshall, by order of the judge, could not put a stop on. This all happened while the divorce was in progress and I don't know why Marshall didn't take away her rights as a mother. At least he should have fought for complete custody. Kim would go on trips across the country, sending Marshall post cards telling him how she is having fun spending his money with her boyfriend Eric.

Marshall took her to court once and the judge told them to go to this certain clinic and take a drug test right then. All of a sudden, Kim disappears from the court building and doesn’t show up at the clinic until the next day and her drug test comes out clean. Cocaine isn't hard to get out of your system. It's water based and can be flushed out pretty easy. That is what she told me once anyway. So again, she gets out of a sticky situation. Not too long after that, she admits to Marshall that she needs to go up north and dry out and she's taking Eric with her. She says she'll be gone about a month. Then she shows up in the news because she crashes a wave runner into a boat on Lake St. Clair. The Sheriffs department finds her and her friend walking down the street with life jackets. They put her in the cop car, they take her in and they book her. She pleads her way out of it and they let her go. They later find a rock of cocaine in the back seat of the squad car but can't pin it on her because they never patted her down. She was wearing a bikini that made her breasts hang out ( implants and all ). If you were a male cop wouldn't you be afraid to pat her down too? My question is, if she was up north drying out, why was she on Lake St. Clair? Why isn't she with her kid? I gave up.

I have no respect for her. I have not had a friendly conversation with her since. I have nothing to say to her. She decided to have her love child, instead of having another abortion, knowing Eric is no where around. There were rumors that Eric's friend Guido might be the father too, but who knows. The whole time she was pregnant she wore big clothes to disguise it. She was about four or five months along when the divorce became final and even after that she made
Marshall's life hell. She got $6 million, a $1.5 million house, and all the things she bought with his money during the divorce, and she still was not happy. She would call Marshall all the time and start fights with him. She would even yell at him in front of Hailie's school and tell him what a bad father he is. " A bad father Kim?"He said. " You're gonna know what a bad father is when that kid pops out and the daddy is no where around! You're gonna see how good of a dad I am to Hailie when you're raisin that kid all on your own." She is not alone.

Ever since she had that baby in the beginning of May 2002, she has regretted it. Thank God, so far there are no birth defects for this little girl as a result of the drug use, but that doesn’t mean the child will have an easy life.
Marshall would tell me how he would be on the phone with Kim and she'd be calling her new born baby girl, a fuckin bitch and yelling at her like she hated her. He said that made him have even less respect for her it actually made him sick. He said he thinks Kim found an easier way of dealing with her mistake, she was going to give the baby to her mother to raise.



...Thanks to the Anti Kim Mathers Board for this part

Thanks to Nikki for scanning this page.

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